Resolving interpersonal conflict

Taken from: http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h1/jlheal/conflictfinal.jpg

Most commonly, interpersonal conflicts arise due to lack of “proper” communication like face-to-face interaction or talking on the phone. It is always easy to create conflicts as compared to solving them. Throughout the years of my earlier education, I am constantly being put on a task of holding responsibilities. It is through these responsibilities that I need to build interpersonal skills between my group members and me. Hence, it seems that effective communication is thus essential. Problems of miscommunication (or perhaps no communication) will give rise to undesirable conflicts. Having conflicts is the last thing a team would want in their group as it not only hinders progress but also turns the relationship sour between one another!

There are times when you felt lost in your world and that you have absolutely no idea what to do or what you are doing at all. It takes a lot of courage for one to overcome whatever obstacles that were presented to you, hence, it is important for one to be optimistic and look at it as a challenge rather that a problem to yourself. There are precious lessons learned that form your journey in life. The whole process from learning how to handle them to resolving them will be a tough but experiential one. It is always easy for one to act as if nothing had happened and slowly ‘forget’ the conflict such that it had never existed.

It first started when I was given an important responsibility in my secondary school CCA (co-curriculum activities). I was shocked when the result was announced as I had never expected or rather see myself taking on that leadership role. One particular reason was that I had always thought that my best friend who was in the same CCA as me would be given the post. Although she seemed fine after the result was announced, I could tell how much she wanted the post as she had always been looking forward to the AGM. Furthermore, those in my CCA had voted and supported her in taking on that leadership role.

Right after the announcement, my senior told that it was because A’s overly ambitious personality was not suitable for that important role and that I was a better choice as compared to her. Our styles of management are completely different and all of them felt that I would bring the CCA to better endeavors. They had also told me that it was true that she was the top choice from the votes casted. However ultimately, they felt that my character was more apt in taking the leading role. In fact, they noticed that I had better rapport with the rest of the members. I tried to convince them that even so, I was not prepared and did not have the confidence to take on that role, but they keep encouraging me to try out and have faith in myself. I could not reject or disagree as I don’t want them to be disappointed. So reluctantly, I accepted my post.

While going home that day, I tried to lighten the atmosphere by cracking jokes. However, no matter what I said the atmosphere seemed even tenser and I was feeling ever more uncomfortable. I was kind of reproaching myself and felt as if I had betrayed my friend’s trust. I had always joked that what revolutionary changes she would take to change our current system of management as she had always felt that our CCA were lacking in some areas and she was sure that she could change that! She was always the one with ambitious ideas unlike me who always likes to fool around. I always felt that building bonds with each and every one of the members is more important, that was why I always like to hang out with them, especially the seniors. But little did I know that she took all those actions to heart.

“I’ve always known why you liked hanging out with the seniors after CCA. This is how you worked your way to the top!”

I could not believe that words came from the friend who had been with me ever since secondary one. We were like inseparable twins. I had always known she liked competitions and she thought that competitions are essential for improving oneself in terms of capability and experience. I was the laid- back one who felt that competitions harm relationships. Undeniably, competitions do spur you on to greater heights. Yet, being overly competitive will strain your relationship with those around you.

After that day, our relationship was never the same as before. To make things worse, I had a hectic schedule to follow, so our friendship has since then drifted apart. Although she had not mentioned anything since that day, I felt that our relationship will never be the same again. We eventually stopped hanging out or talk to each other.

It has been years since that incident. I still think about it now and then when I am alone. Could I have handled the situation better? Perhaps I could have sat down and have a long chat with her to solve that existing conflict. However, having known her for years, I knew that she would find excuses for being busy and not listening to me. With that in mind, I did not bother to resolve the obvious problem between us. What would happen if I had not assumed that to be the case? What could I have done to get her back?

Perhaps it was impossible to return things the way they were before. One will just have to live with the facts and reality of life. This is just how life is. Interpersonal relationships are that fragile. Obstacles are presented to you for a reason. One should learn from such obstacles and not make the same mistakes again.

Taken from: http://www.winwinconflictsolutions.com/2bc6ef130.jpg

Sometimes, the idea of calling her came to my mind. I would pick up the phone and put down the phone instantaneously. I am afraid of saying the wrong things to her again. Thus, I keep putting off the idea thinking that I was too busy with my work to give her a call. I keep telling myself that I will call one day.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. =)


*Added pictures on 9th Sept